My driver’s license has a crab on it. I suppose that it’s not all that strange, considering every Maryland resident driver (I would think) also has a crab on their license, but I still find it a bit odd. I suppose it stems from getting two different driver’s licenses in the period of less than a month, but I am a bit tired of the DMV, and have found the whole process to be a bit insane.
I was told (by the oh so helpful internet) that in order to officially change my name on my S.S card, I would need to do so on my license, so I went and got a new license in PA, even though I was moving to Maryland. So thus began an adventure with my mother. While this may sound inocuous enough, you need to understand what an adventure with my mom meant to six-year-old Catherine.
My mom loves finding new roads and trying to see if they lead somewhere she knows. Nine times out of ten they do, and she adds a new piece of the puzzle to the roads around Mechanicsburg. And that last time, she simply appreciates the sights on the new road, and backtracks to where she began. Her idea being that you can’t get lost if you know where you’ve been. However logical this might be, six-year-olds are rarely logical. Instead of relishing in the new roads, I was convinced that every time my Mom declared that we were heading off on an adventure, we were destined to end up lost and wandering the streets of nowhere forever. And that we would never see my Dad and little brother again. According to my family, I tended towards a dramatic outlook on life.
So here we were off to get my license, and the adventure was just beginning. First of all, I (at this point) about a week from being 23 was asked if I was there to take the permit test. Not even the driver’s test. I couldn’t be 16 and a half even. No no, just 16. Despite what everyone says, I do not feel that I will appreciate this when I’m older. I’m sure that I’ll be destined to look 12 for years until I suddenly and without warning appear to be 97 at the age of 54. Anyway this began what was one of the most confusing trips to the DMV. First I wanted to set the record straight about my eye color. Since I was sixteen, my license has declared my eye color: DIC for Dicromatic. This was supposed to indicate that I have two different colored eyes. However as the real meaning of this word is color blind, I just didn’t think that this should be on my license. So with the one woman not believing that I actually have two different colored eyes, and my mom laughing b/c she’s convinced that I just don’t want to have the word “dic” on my license (and yes this is true) I feel like it was all for nothing because as I found out when I finally got my license in Maryland a month later, they don’t care a bit what color eyes you have. They’ll put your weight on there which (does anyone have that correct on their license? And if it changes dramatically, are you legally obligated to have it changed?
Anyway once that was done, and I found that they had indeed printed my new name incorrectly on the license. I tried to explain that my maiden name was now going to be my middle name. Well I was told I could not do this, as “there’s a law.” Ten minutes of explaining to the woman that, no there is not a law prohibiting this, and showing the other lady that she had indeed made a mistake on the form and all was well. So we were off to the S.S. office to get my new card!
Only there is no exit ramp going N on 81 to the S.S. office, only South. So we ended up in the middle of nowhere, and the adventure continued. Being sleepy and a bit cranky, I was ready to pack it in and call it a day. But my mom is not the pack it in type, and insisted that we pick a road heading in the general direction and try our luck. And because she is my Mom, and the Queen of the weird detour, we ended up in the right place. Of course this was after a terrifying moment of passing one tractor only to almost collide with another that had a hidden attachment that swung out towards our car.
Oh the joy of adventure!
